The Four-Hour Erection: A Modern Marketing Miracle
September 27, 2007

If you watch TV you’ve undoubtedly noticed those ads for drugs that give men erections. They’ve got all kinds of romantic music, smiling come-hither dames, and men with big smiles on their dumb faces.

And then there’s the announcement that says if your erection lasts longer than four hours you should see a doctor. Or possibly a skilled hooker.

Does anyone in their right mind (that would be men currently walking around without the dumb smiles and the bulgy pants) think that line is anything more than a sales pitch for an overpriced pill?

See the marketing guys at their mahogany table.

“Hey, this medical report says the drug can give a guy an erection for four hours,” says Larry.

“Yeah, but then it says the guy should see a doctor,” says Harry.

“But guys, men will love it. A four hour erection. The dumb bastards will think it’s great. They’ll be lining up and demanding the stuff,”  says Barry.

Never mind the music and the smiles. How many women want four hours of banging? And how many men who might actually need the stuff wouldn’t have a heart attack after about fifteen minutes of humping?

Save your money, guys. Go down to the health food store and pick up a bottle of DHEA. And get some exercise and lay off the donuts and Danish. And most of you could probably do worse than to get a good book on making love – and it’s not all about your erection.

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Romney: Clownish Ignorance Is The Best Way To Do Sex Education
July 20, 2007

The Mitten – actually he’s more of a lightweight cotton glove – responding to Barack Obama’s view that sex education is appropriate for kindergartners if taught in a scientific, age-appropriate way, said, according to the AP:

“Senator Obama is wrong if he thinks science-based sex education has any place in kindergarten,” Romney told some 150 people at a restaurant in the northern part of the state (S.C.). “We should be working to clean up the filthy waters our kids are swimming in.”

Notice how clever The Mitten is. In two sentences he manages to bash science, call sex filthy, demean a Democrat, and say the water is filthy. Quite a tour de Mitten, eh?

Obama noted that

…if kindergartners ask teachers questions such as where babies come from they should be given accurate information, not told a story about storks.

Oh, dear, an intelligent approach to sex education! Help, help, the Republic is falling, the Republic is falling!

I suppose that it never occurred to our Beloved Mitten that if you teach kids honestly and thoughtfully about sex then you might get some positive results. Things like fewer teen pregnancies, fewer abortions, and a culture that doesn’t focus on mass titillation day after day or fall into a tumultuous panic at the accidental revelation of a woman’s nipple. (I have to admit here that I did not manage to see Janet Jackson’s nipple that night, but have seen most of the rest of her breast in various publicity pictures eagerly put out by the press and the media. Neither my life nor my admittedly anti-Mitt morality has changed.)

Maybe pornography wouldn’t be such a big business, Mr. Mitten, if the people of this country had had decent sex education in school. It’s a lot less interesting if you already know all about sex. (Actually, it’s pretty boring.)

But no, The Mitten’s standard Republican idea is “Let’s keep the people stupid and uninformed and uneducated. Otherwise they might find out what a bunch of pathetic, money-grubbing, power-hungry dumb clowns we Republicans really are.”

I’m thinking the Republican logo should be replaced. Any intelligent elephant just has to feel insulted at being the symbol of these idiots. I nominate a generic Bozo the Clown as the Republican Party symbol, from now on, with apologies to all professional and amateur clowns.

Mitt Romney gets to wear a big red nose, ugly-ass face makeup, baggy pants, and big floppy shoes. There’s the true measure of the man.

Oh, wait, I forgot to add to his costume a codpiece!

Bush On Tape Doing Coke and Dames
July 12, 2007

From a book review over at Brad’s Brain:

He explains George H. W. Bush’s invasion of Panama, a nation with no army at all, as the result of a blackmail attempt by Noriega: apparently, there were cameras at Contadora Island, and Noriega had video of Junior Bush, good ol’ Dubya, enjoying the finer things in life, namely cocaine and kinky sex. Noriega was captured and jailed, and the building that contained all of his private documents was destroyed in the attack.

The rich live lives very different from you and I.

Paris Hilton Escapes
June 27, 2007

Paris Hilton gets out of jail.

The so-called news networks go nuts. Talk about insanity.

On the one hand they’re drooling all over themselves to get tape and interviews.

On the other hand they’re drooling all over themselves saying how bad it is for them to be drooling all over themselves to get tape and interviews.

Can’t hardly wait for the Larry King interview tonight. I’m looking forward to ignoring it.

Hell, I can’t even work up a halfway decent sex fantasy over the broad. Now, my ex-wife on the other hand… she still wows me. And that was decades ago. (Yeah, yeah, I really ought to get a girlfriend!)