How to remember the Republican candidates’ stands on the issues
December 29, 2011


Rick Perry: Take away the hair and there’s nothing there.

Ron Paul: No government, that’s  all. Blacks and gays against the wall.

Mitt Romney: There he is! No, he’s there! Oh oh, he stole Rick Perry’s hair!

Michele Bachman: She’s all Biblical, really just like Shariacal.

Jon Somebody: If  you can’t remember his name, how you gonna remember his policies?

Newt Gingrich: Newter Iran, arrest all the American judges, and elect me me me.

Rick Santorum: You people with money come have some coffee and make me an offer. The rest of you go stand against that wall.

Come to think of it, that last one about Santorum pretty much describes the entire Republican program.