A Little Levity…

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns
————————————————————————————-
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic
————————————————————————————-
Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic
————————————————————————————-
Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada
————————————————————————————-
Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say, "I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…" just saying…
Sincerely,
Google
————————————————————————————-
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can’t touch this.
Sincerely,
That Little Triangle
————————————————————————————-
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.
Sincerely,
BP
————————————————————————————-
Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God
————————————————————————————-
Dear Nickleback,
That’s enough.
Sincerely, The World
————————————————————————————-
Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain…..no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin
————————————————————————————-
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco….
Sincerely, United States
————————————————————————————-
Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely, Superman
————————————————————————————-
Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies
————————————————————————————-
Dear Ugly People,
You’re welcome.
Sincerely, Alcohol
————————————————————————————-
Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans
————————————————————————————-
Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User
————————————————————————————-
Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up…
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore
————————————————————————————-
Dear Man,
It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant
————————————————————————————-
Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there’s only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper

[Thanks to my friend from the wilds of Arizona.]

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10 Responses

  1. Love it! 😆

    Like

  2. Oh, that is wonderful
    1

    Like

  3. […] at The Grumpy Lion, Ric provides a laugh this morning; smart and really funny. You’ll have to go over there for all of it, but to whet your […]

    Like

  4. OMG freakin’ hilarious!

    Like

    • Jeez, don’t hurt yourself! 😆

      Like

      • Naah it’s not like I’m running with Sarah Palin – I mean scissors. 😉

        Like

        • Maybe we should just call her ‘Scissors’ Palin…

          Like

          • Very nice. It starts with an “S” like her real name. I like that. 🙂

            Like

  5. Cute. Very cute. And funny.

    Like

    • Not unlike my essential self…

      Like

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