May 21, 2011: Jesus Return Engagement, Slaughter To Follow

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution carried a story the other day by Shelia [sic] Poole noting that a North Carolina Christian crowd plans to “place 50 billboards in the metro area proclaiming the rapture and Jesus’ imminent return, based on analysis of Scripture and biblical genealogy.”

Allison Warden, of noted:

"The Bible teaches that Christ is returning on May 21 and we want to encourage people to go to Scripture and investigate for themselves," said Warden, who insists the Christmas-timed campaign is not a gimmick. "All information in the Bible points to this date. God is going to be saving people right up until the last moment."

The rapture, of course, occurs when all the good guys (Allison and her crew) will float up to Heaven, apparently still in their earthy bodies, and be saved from the murderous dark times that will follow when only all us bad guys are left on earth.

Okay, that’s the usual Christian delusion and insanity.

The real question that should be asked is how much are all these billboards going to cost, including the ones that are already up and running in other cities.

The Christians always bleat about Christian compassion and Christian charity, but here they are, when tens of millions of people can’t find jobs, when millions can’t afford to heat their homes (if they still have them), when millions aren’t sure where their next meal is coming from, here are the Christians spending gobs of money on billboards announcing their delusions and stupidity and selfishness, and going into raptures about themselves.

Too bad the Rapture is a crock of myth. The planet would be well rid of these arrogant clots. Maybe once they’re gone the rest of us can get down to finding real solutions to real problems without having to wade through a sea of idiot superstition and ignorance and Biblical  dumbassery.


17 Responses

  1. I believe when they rapture, they leave their clothing and other accesories behind – think of all the gold just laying there on the streets! Personally, I can’t wait.


    • Oh for chrissake, you mean there’s going to be a dozen or so naked people flying through the air? Have they no sense of shame, have they no decency at all?


      • Well, yeah, but they’ll be Christians, so it’s not like it’ll be sexual or anything. And there is the gold.


        • I wouldn’t count on the gold. I suspect that’s why the rule is they have to get naked, so the Big Dude can see if they’re trying to smuggle gold. If he sees a glint of gold the smuggler hits the pavement and gets all squishy. I wonder if he can see up their butts… Maybe he could install some of those TSA scanners.

          On the other hand, given the Dude’s history I suspect he’ll just scarf up all the gold for himself and for the pedopriest slush fund, just to make sure Pope Jonny Ratz doesn’t go down for the count.


          • Well, if the Razz goes ‘up’ he’ll leave behind a shoe closet like Imelda Marcos’!


            • Who da Razz?


            • Pope – Jonny Ratz, da Razz.


            • Oh, that Ratz. Bet the shoes are nice Italian leather things. Probably have toes that curl up, little bell on the tips… maybe I’m confusing the Ratz Man with those other elves.


      • No clothes? Egads! If the checkout lines at Wal-Mart are any indication, the rest of us will be spend the first few minutes of rapture wretching.


        • But in their eyes we will be mere wretches retching.


          • Damn it. There’s nothing I hate more than having an error stored forever on the intertoobs. Well, maybe Christian Identity loons…


            • Yeah, but it did give me a good line. And I’m willing to share the credit. 😀


  2. Also, I would argue that anyone who believes in “The Rapture” (or any other apocalyptic end of the world) should be automatically disqualified from any position that requires access to nuclear, biological, or chemical agents that could be used to “help things along.” If Bush Jr. had actually been a True Believer, shouldn’t he have started the ball rolling? Same with Obama.


    • I’ve long thought that no one should be allowed to run for office until he had passed a battery of intelligence, knowledge, and psychological tests.

      And anyone inclined to believe delusions like the Rapture, or other religious delusions, should automatically be disqualified from any public office. That’s not even a religious test: it’s a simple test for sanity, for a sound mind.


      • That would be fine with me.


  3. Calculations have been made to predict the second coming and they fell in the mid-1800s. When the predictions of the predictors failed to materialize, they started saying that no one knows while Bible has been and is very clear. Muslims also waited for the second coming in the fourteenth century after Muhammad, and they also have started saying that any moment but no one knows.

    For many Jewish people, a messiah is to come to redeem them. For many Christians, it is the second coming which will end evil and will bring a thousand years of peace and joy. Some Hindus looks for the second coming of Krishna. Among Muslims, most look for the second coming of Jesus accompanied by the guided imam, both will fight on their side and defeat their adversaries. The Shiite Muslims wait for the Hidden Imam. While they wait, it gives them hope for the future and an assurance that one day they will be happier, joyous and worry-free.

    Are their hopes valid or are they hoping in vain? For Christians, the first messiah did come two thousand years ago and they enjoy the fruits of his sacrifices today in power and prosperity. For Muslims, the prophecies of Moses (about “that prophet”, etc.) and Jesus (about the “spirit of truth”, etc.) were fulfilled in Muhammad and they follow a teaching which gives them comfort solace. A small but ever growing section of Muslims, the Ahmadiyya believe the founder of their community fulfilled the second coming. He predicted more than a hundred years ago that no one will descend from heaven as Jesus had survived cross, traveled to the east to tend the lost sheep of Israel and died a natural death in India and his grave is well-known in Sri Nagar, Kashmir; so anyone who fulfills the second coming will be a person like him:

    “Remember, that no one will descend from heaven. All our opponents who are alive today will die and no one will see Jesus Son of Mary descending from heaven. Then their next generation will pass away and no one of them will see this spectacle. Then generation next after that will pass away without seeing the Son of Mary descending from heaven. Then God will make them anxious that though the time of the supremacy of the cross had passed away and the world had undergone great changes, yet the son of Mary has not descended from heaven. Then the wise people will suddenly discard this belief. The third century after today will not yet have come to a close when those who hold this belief, weather Muslims or Christians, will lose all hope and will give up this belief in disgust. There will then be one religion that will prevail in the world and only one leader. I have come only to sow the seed, which has been sown by my hand. Now it will sprout and grow and flourish, and no one can arrest its growth.”
    Hadrat Mirza Ghulam Ahmad (peace be on him) 1835-1908,
    Ruhani Khaza’in, Vol. 20, p. 65 (1903)

    The above prophecy was written 107 years ago. We can see today how the world has changed since. He also predicted the fall of Tzar, better future for Muslims who were under European rule during his lifetime, etc. He also predicted that the world had 6 centuries to a millennia more to prosper and live, and even after that it is up to God the changes he may want to bring about.


  4. Stamping Out Harold Camping

    I don’t care a fig for date-setters, especially those who predict when Christ will return. The current champion is 89-year-old, headline-grabbing Harold Camping of Family Radio fame.
    Is Second Coming date-setter Harold Camping worthy of death? He already has a zero batting average after his September 1994 prediction fizzle and, according to the Bible, is a false prophet.
    Nevertheless that California shaman, who should be ashamed, claims he’s found out that Christ’s return will be on May 21, 2011 even though Matt. 24:36 says that no one knows the “day” or “hour” of it!
    A Google article (“Obama Fulfilling the Bible”) points out that “Deut. 18:20-22 in the Old Testament requires the death penalty for false prophets.”
    The same article reveals that “Christians are commanded to ask God to send severe judgment on persons who commit and support the worst forms of evil (see I Cor. 5 and note ‘taken away’).”
    Theologically radioactive Harold Camping and his ga-ga groupies (with their billboards featuring “May 21, 2011”) should worry about being “stamped out” if many persons decide to follow the I Cor. 5 command.
    The above article concludes: “False prophets in the OT were stoned to death. Today they are just stoned!”
    PS – For many years Camping was not known as a pretrib rapture teacher. But now, for $ome my$teriou$ rea$on, he seeks support from those who believe in and teach an imminent, pretrib rapture which supposedly will occur SEVERAL YEARS BEFORE the traditional SECOND COMING to earth! For a behind-the-scenes, documented look at the 181-year-old pretrib rapture belief (which was never a part of any official theology or organized church before 1830!), Google “Pretrib Rapture Dishonesty,” “Pretrib Rapture Diehards” and “Pretrib Rapture – Hidden Facts.” These are from the pen of journalist/historian Dave MacPherson a.k.a the “Pretrib Rapture Answerman” & the “Rush Limbaugh of the Rapture” – author of the bestselling book “The Rapture Plot,” a nonfiction “encyclopedia” of pretrib rapture history (see Armageddon Books).


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