Airport Screening Can’t Find C4 Up Your Butt

The United States should admit it: The terrorist masterminds, wherever they are, have won this round over the airlines.

The airlines, and the government, have adopted screening policies that assume everyone is guilty as soon as they buy a ticket, and have spent billions putting into place a complex, complicated, demeaning, and insulting process that experts say doesn’t work anyway.

And all the terror guys had to do was send in one fool with explosives in his underwear and another with explosives in his shoe. Talk about finding a low-cost way to totally screw over an industry and a democracy.

What’s next? The logic would go something like this. The terror guys send a guy with C4 up his butt, something the current procedures wouldn’t find. But if he has a wire hanging out of his ass, they’ll find that, and then they’ll find the C4 and then the TSA patters will have to give everyone a rectal exam. And, or maybe or, the government will find some ex-government bureaucrat, from the right political party, who can provide expensive high-power x-ray machines to dose everyone with carcinogenic radiation.

That’s how Americans think.

They don’t think about hiring intelligent people at good pay, training them thoroughly in intelligent profiling and interviewing, and deploying them intelligently at airports.

Nope. Let’s spend billions making Michael Chertoff rich with his machines, and let’s pay low wages to whatever schmucks we can get off the street and let’s not pay any money for intelligent training in methods that actually work.

The terror guys are learning faster than the Americans are. They thought they had to take down the World Trade Center to cripple democracy, but they were wrong. A couple of pounds of plastique in a guy’s underwear worked pretty well. Stuff some bang-bang stuff into some printers shipped on cargo planes and watch the panic and the expenditure of money that ensues. Some C4 up a guy’s butt should pretty much kill off either the airlines or the whole Rube Goldberg security apparatus.

After the Trade Center disaster, the government discovered, though they didn’t make a big enough deal of it, that the whole thing could have been prevented by simply securely locking the doors to the flight deck of the airliners and ruling that pilots under no circumstances of threat were to open the door. The Lion might wonder how much that would have cost.

The terrorists have learned how to leverage cheap technology to accomplish their ends, and the United States just plays right along, like the dumbest, stupidest kid on the playground. The Lion can’t wait for the terrorists to blow up a bus so that the TSA can move into every bus terminal and start feeling up people.

Who would have thought that buying a bus ticket signaled the end of what was once the greatest major democratic government in history? (Besides The Lion, that is.)

6 Responses

  1. In the end, here’s what it seems to have come down to:

    Al Queda decides to terrorize us and make us really really afraid of then. So they attack us. And we immediately comply and become duly terrorized and afraid of everything.

    Who won?


  2. That’s exactly what it came down to: an America so scared and so delusional that it had to kill untold tens of thousands of innocent people and destroy two countries and create conditions for the destruction of more countries. America the Wuss.


    • That’s wussie.


      • Wuss



        • You say potato.


          • Jeez, now you want to talk gardening? I can’t keep up.


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