Men! Live 14 Years Longer. No Drugs, No Tricks. Simple Method.

The November issue of Scientific American includes a short article titled ‘Why Women Live Longer’ by a Thomas Kirkwood, an experimental gerontologist. (One might hope that doesn’t mean he experiments on old people…)

He runs through various ideas and reasons why women live longer, and then suggests how men might live an average of fourteen years longer.

His concluding paragraph:

The historical record is not good enough to determine if eunuchs tend to outlive normal healthy men, but some sad records suggest that they do. A number of years ago castration of men in institutions for the mentally disturbed was surprisingly commonplace. In one study of several hundred men at an unnamed institution in Kansas, the castrated men were found to live on average 14 years longer than their uncastrated fellows. Nevertheless, I doubt that many men – myself included – would choose such a drastic remedy to buy a few extra years.

I dunno. Fourteen years extra life for the price of forgoing the aggravation of relationships with the opposite sex (or probably in some cases the same sex)? And apparently eunuchs can still have sex, erections and all, so where’s the big loss?

How long will it be before some enterprising group of surgeons opens up a longevity clinic for men? Some scalpels, some iodine, some bandages, some antibiotics…  sounds like a win-win.

See ya at the clinic, dudes!

(or ex-dudes, as the case may be…)

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12 Responses

  1. 😯

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  2. A couple of centuries ago, castrated opera singers (known as castrati) were the rock stars of their day in every way; women were eager to have sex with them because there was no risk of pregnancy.

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    • I guess vasectomies don’t have the same glamor…

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      • If it did, I’d have groupies. Since I don’t….

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  3. I’m not sure medical ethics would allow for elective orchiectomy. Plus, are “neuticles” approved for human use?

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    • Damn doctors! What’s wrong with having an orchestra play while you’re getting your balls cut off? How about a jazz band?

      As for neuticles, well, if women can get phony boobs and phony butts why can’t men get phony balls? What’s the world coming to?

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      • As for neuticles, well, if women can get phony boobs and phony butts why can’t men get phony balls?

        Like these?

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        • But where are the new, improved models with the built-in little vibrators?

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          • The prototype is in Beta testing. I gave them your name and address, and they’ll be contacting you to be a tester.

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            • Oh good, a new gadget to play with! Whee!

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  4. Won’t be a hell of a lot different than the old gadget you’re used to playing with. 😉

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    • Yeah, maybe, but the old one don’t buzz. Maybe I can get ringtones too. 😀

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