Big Surprise! Pat Robertson Lied About Haiti And Satan

According to Jean R. Gelin, who is a Haitian pastor in the U.S. and who holds a Ph.D in plant sciences, he has been unable to discover any evidence that there was ever any deal with that faux Christian nemesis, Satan, to save Haiti from the French. [Long article. Short article.]

Gelin says his studies of Haitian history turn up no good evidence of the satanic pact.

Pat Robertson, an arrogant and ignorant Christian mouthpiece whose beliefs would appear to come directly from his own deals with Satan, made the claim at the time of the Haitian earthquake.

The world breathlessly awaits an apology from the pathetic old hypocrite. Breathlessly. Waits. Waiting. Still waiting.

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4 Responses

  1. Andy Borowitz already cleared this up. It was all just a big misunderstanding

    Robertson thought they said “Hades” not Haiti. Of course Satan has a pact with Hades. It’s a long term lease, but it’s still a pact.


    • You can actually distinguish between Robertson and Satan?


  2. You know, it doesn’t bug me at all that a vegetation expert is discoursing on the mind of Pat Robertson. Sorta makes sense. 😉


    • I would guess that the vegetation expert was just slumming.


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