Massachusetts Senate Candidate Is A Funny Guy, A Real Bright Light

The primary elections to choose candidates to fill Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat are over. Predictably the blonde state Attorney General Martha Coakley won the Democratic nomination, disproving the dumb blonde theory of anything.

On the Republican side a state senator named Scott Brown won by defeating his unknown opponent by about nine to one. The eleventh vote was thrown out on a technicality.

Mr. Brown immediately set about proving that he’s a funny guy, a real laugh getter. Here’s one of his opening salvos from today’s Globe:

“There’s a clear contrast,’’ Brown told reporters at his Needham headquarters. “If [voters are] happy and everything’s going well for them, send Martha down there. But if they want somebody who’s going to be an independent voter and thinker and look out for their interests, then they should send me.’’

He sought to paint Coakley as a Democratic automaton, saying she would be “almost robotic in the way that she’ll be in lockstep with [Senate majority leader] Harry Reid and the special interests and the president.’’

The first funny thing is that bit about the voters being happy and such. A real knee-slapper of irony! Maybe a little above the heads of the Republican base though. After all, people are suffering through a bad financial crisis and a couple of wars, brought to them by… Republicans.

So old Scotty is presenting himself as a Republican who’s going to look out for the interests of the suffering people whose suffering was brought on by Republicans. Funny stuff, funny stuff!

But Scotty says he’s going to be an independent voter and thinker. Hold that thought, dear reader, hold that thought. One might be uncharitable and suggest that if he says he’s going to be those things, then he hasn’t been up to now. But The Lion’s regular readers know that The Lion is a charitable fellow, especially when it comes to Republicans.

Be that as it may, and it may, Scotty’s next comment, the one about Ms. Coakley being robotic, an automaton, marching in lockstep with Harry Reid and such, now that’s a laugh riot, worthy of at least two minutes on the old Laugh-In show, or five minutes on The Daily Show under Jon Stewart’s kind and gentle handling.

Apparently Scotty has missed the news over the last year, the news which showed the Democrats being all over the map on various issues, debating and arguing with each other, disagreeing and squabbling, fighting, even. And it’s well known that Harry Reid can’t, doesn’t, won’t keep the Democrats on the same page. Perhaps Scotty doesn’t read the same newspapers that Sarah Palin doesn’t read.

It is true that the Democrats haven’t really been arguing with the Republicans to any great extent, but that’s because the Republicans have closed ranks, marched in lockstep with their leaders, made a point of saying ‘No!’ to every Democratic piece of legislation, have behaved like robots and automatons, have offered nothing to the national conversation on critical issues, and made clear they intend to offer nothing except their standard chorus of automated ‘No!’.

Building on that base of funny material, Scotty went on to boast that he signed a pledge to not raise taxes, and challenged Ms. Coakley to do the same.

“Very simply, I will not raise taxes on the American people,’’ Brown said. “We are in the second year of a recession that is pushing many Massachusetts families and businesses to the brink. More taxes will make it harder for them to get through this economic downturn.’’

Such drollery, such waggery! Entities on the brink of financial collapse don’t tend to pay much tax to begin with. What an amusing way for Scotty to show his fiscal good sense by promising not to raise taxes on people who don’t pay taxes. But of course that would include the rich friends of the Republican party who were pretty much exempted from paying taxes for any government service during the recent reign of the Republicans under George Dick Bushney. Isn’t it nice to see a politician who thinks of his friends?

And of course it’s good to see a politician define his principles and stick to them no matter what. It’s good to know that if the economy goes belly up again that Scotty will not violate his principles, will not lift a finger to help the families and businesses being destroyed since that would cost money and might require taxing his rich friends. 

Of course one might think that Scotty is simply appealing to his base of Republican Conservatives, otherwise known as the far right wing of the right wing of the Republican Party. But as has been shown time and again, humor is not an efficient or effective way to reach them. On the other hand, it probably wouldn’t hurt to have all fifty-three of them on his side.

Yes, Republicanism is alive and well in Massachusetts, and will be coming soon to a comedy club in your blighted neighborhood. Laugh it up, folks, this Scott Brown is a funny, funny guy. Heckuva job, Brownie!

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One Response

  1. Well one thing is for sure, the citizens of the Commonwealth have a sense of humor.
    We are pitting (yeah right) these two against one another? MC the law breaking attorney general who kinda sucked as a DA too. Who has international experience even worse than Palins. The former thinking her expatriate sister gives her FP cred via familial osmosis I guess.
    Of course Scott Brown the only Republican that anyone in MA actually has ever heard of is far from worthy of votes either.
    Senator Coakley? That’s yet another punchline regards how pathetic the Bay State has become.

    Like

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