Silencing The Bells of St. Phoenix

Aw, those poor Christians in Phoenix, Arizona. Once more they’re being persecuted and discriminated against by the bad, bad anti-religious left-wing commie evil antichristers.

All those poor Christians wanted to do in the quiet neighborhood in which they built their new church was ring their bells every half hour.

The complaints soon began, so church leaders cut back the tolling to once per hour. They put up Styrofoam to muffle the sound. But they didn’t see how they could stop tolling the bells. “We ring our bells as a part of our worship, just like singing, praying, and preaching the Word of God,’’ they wrote in a statement.

The city had to take them to court on criminal charges to get them to stop. Their ‘Bishop’ was convicted of disturbing the peace.  The Alliance Defense Fund, described as a ‘religious liberties legal group’ said this case was the first they knew of which used criminal law to shut up people who disturbed the peace.  Actually they said ‘to keep a church quiet’, conveniently ignoring the fact that those people were people disturbing the peace.

“It’s frankly a little bit astonishing,’’ said ADF attorney Gary S. McCaleb, contending the case violates the church’s First Amendment freedom to practice its religion. “It’s very clearly an expression and outworking of their faith.’’

But so was the Inquisition and the burning of witches, Gary. So were pogroms against Jews. So is the murderous nonsense of the little old farts in the Vatican. And the vicious blitherings of fundogelicals like Falwell and Robertson.

Very soon now America will no doubt hear from the foaming fundogelicals how this incident demonstrates how horribly Christians are treated, how seriously they are persecuted, how hateful and bigoted are their persecutors.

If the Christians need to feel like victims in order to validate their religion, then The Lion suggests that society, from the goodness of its heart, from its profound desire to support these poor disadvantaged souls, oblige them. Send in the lions. Lots of lions. Young, healthy, hungry lions. It’s the least we can do.


6 Responses

  1. Religious believers really are getting more obnoxious. Why the hell do they need to ring their bells so damn often? I’ll tell you why – to remind everyone within earshot that they’re here and they’re staying, and everyone had better give them some R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

    I know Jesus likes believers to be childlike, but this kind of shit is ridiculous.


    • Dare I say they need to have their bells rung?

      Of course I do.


  2. Well kudos to the city government of Phoenix. Clearly these bells must have been really annoying, because I’m thinking no government has the balls to charge a church with disturbing the peace unless confident that they have enough support from the residents, er, voters. 😉

    The Christian sentiment is just outrageous, like anything which is an expression of faith should get a pass. They’re nothing more than spoiled little brats.


    • Now don’t be letting the lions know their food is spoiled. They might not eat.


  3. Wait a gosh darn minute, dang it! Those nice people were just exercising their 1st Amendment right to knock the gong.

    But there is a way to compromise this. If the church would just pony up for a radio or TV station, they could ring their bells all they want, and anyone that wants to worship …erm…listen, can simply tune in, in the privacy of their home or car.

    See? Simple.


    • Ah, simplicity! That’s why I admire you, Spanqi.



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