Pope Condemns Sorcery, Orders Christ Arrested By Inquisition

From the Associated Press in today’s Globe, on Pope Jonny Ratz’s trip to the evil continent of Africa:

LUANDA, Angola – Tens of thousands of Angola’s Catholics lined the streets of the capital yesterday for a blessing from Pope Benedict XVI, who urged the country’s faithful to reach out and convert people who believe in witchcraft.

"In today’s Angola," he said at Mass in Luanda, "Catholics should offer the message of Christ to the many who live in the fear of spirits, of evil powers by whom they feel threatened."

And later, near the end of the story:

The pope began his day addressing Catholic clergymen and nuns, telling them to be missionaries to those Angolans "living in fear of spirits, of malign and threatening powers.

Let’s see, Christ turned water into wine, brought a dead man back to life, got himself up out of his tomb, disappeared into the sky, healed some sick people considered incurable.

Yup. For sure, a sorcerer or witch or warlock. Definitely a candidate for the tender mercies of the old Inquisition’s torture chambers which would have made him confess that he was in league with Satan and thus eligible for the garrote or a public burning.

And let’s not forget that the church still condones and performs exorcisms, which is about as bald a statement as can be had that the Pope and his priests believe devils and demons actually exist and buzz around the earth taking over humans, usually, one might guess, ignorant, poverty stricken humans who are prone to see Christ or his mom engraved into the cheese of toasted cheese sandwiches.

Then we also have the profound authority of the Governor of the State of Louisiana, one Bobby Jindal, a devout Catholic, who took part in an exorcism and who believes demons are real and walk the earth.

The Pope and Jindal and their priests and acolytes are just as benighted as the ignorant villagers in Africa who believe in the nonsense of witchery and sorcery. The big difference? The Pope’s got a lot of gold and the villagers have got mud.

The Lion would like to extend a warm welcome into the twenty-first century to the Charlatan in Chief of the Catholic Church, Pope Jonny Ratz.

Huzzah!

 

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5 Responses

  1. Apparently, the funny hat is to prevent irony waves penetrating the Popeskull. “. . . The many who live in the fear of spirits, of evil powers by whom they feel threatened”? Does he mean the billions who deny their humanity out of fear of a failed hypotheosis? The billions who live in a state of perpetual fear and guilt created by belief in a sociopathic and inconsistent god(s) as interpreted by a mythical street preacher (today, Jesus would be one of those guys in the long robe, sporting a dirty beard down to the nipples, holding a sign saying “The End Is Nere”)?

    The irony wave protection helmet is working.

    Like

  2. This is like the pharmaceutical companies campaigning against legalizing marijuana. Drugs are bad, m’kay. Now here, have a valium.

    Like

  3. But, Pope Benny’s witches and demons are real. The animistic ones that the African villagers believe in are not real. Didn’t you get the memo?

    Like

  4. chappie –

    Nobody ever sends me memos.

    Like

  5. Oh well, then. Have a Palin update
    http://www.religioustolerance.org/reconstr.htm

    Like

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