It’s Friday The Thirteenth! Let Us All Praise Judas! Rah Rah Rah! Zoroaster Rules!

The Lion routinely phones a good friend, one of the very few, the privileged few, to annoy and torment her. It makes her laugh and it satisfies the adolescent element in The Lion’s personality. And of course misanthropes are required to annoy people on a regular basis, according to the Association of Practicing Misanthropes.

During this morning’s annoyance call, The Lion reminded her that Friday the thirteenth actually fell on Friday this month. She gave her usual ‘So what? That’s stupid!’ response to the things The Lion says and then wondered how the superstition got started.

The Lion suggested that the Last Supper was at the root of it. The gang of thirteen met for a cannibalistic supper and then the gang leader had a really bad Friday.

She mentioned Judas as the cause of it all.

The Lion spontaneously opined, ‘My hero!’

She, a religious type, though not a fundogelical (though The Lion does worry that she may fall victim to their kind if she keeps on with it – already like most Christians she can’t tolerate any criticism or black humor or rationality directed at her superstition) cried out, ‘That’s terrible! Don’t say that!’

Naturally The Lion said it a couple of more times to annoy her, and she responded as above, and then we went on to some other nonsense. Any conversation touching on religion usually ends badly between the lady and The Lion, who is a hard-core atheist.

But the incident does bring up a salient point about Judas.

Why do Christians hold him in such ill repute? I mean, really, think about it.

Without Judas there would have been no crucifixion and none of the nonsense that followed (resurrection yada yada yada). Without Judas selling out his boss for a handsome sum of money, the boss would have remained just another pain-in-the-ass itinerant preacher wandering around Judea annoying the hell out of people. Without Judas, no Popes and their children, no Luther and his theses, no massive witch burnings and other Inquistionite entertainments through the ages. Without Judas, none of the murderous wonders the Christians have thought so highly of these two millennia. And on the other side of the coin, without Judas science and technology and rational society might well have advanced about a thousand years further than where they’re at today.

(The Lion notes that a writer of some repute, whose name escapes The Lion, proposed that Christ and Judas actually conspired to turn the boss over to the authorities in order to create a martyrdom that could be used to sell the boss’s beliefs to the ignorant masses. The theory seems to have been that the boss knew he would end up a nobody if he didn’t manage a big finish. If true, then Judas and Christ were cofounders of the superstition and should be accorded equal worship by the faith filled.)

Christians should be on their knees worshipping Judas. They should call themselves Judasians, or Judasites. He created their fuzzy-brained religion. It’s the rest of us that should curse the little bastard for bringing this superstition down on humanity. On the other hand, given human nature, if it wasn’t the sickness of the gang of thirteen, it likely would have been some other set of illogical, irrational foolishness.

Hell, if not for Judas we might all be Zoroastrians today.


8 Responses

  1. I think (and feel free to correct me if (again) I am wrong) but Friday and the number thirteen are ‘bad luck’ for two different reasons. Judas was apostle 13 (didn’t Apostle 13 almost not make it back to earth?). However, I seem to remember that Friday is considered bad luck because Constantinople fell to the Ottomans on a Friday. I guess the conflation of the two (Judas plus the heart of Christendom falling) just makes too much bad juju for the true believer.


  2. () –

    Makes as much sense as any of the other theories. Gotta go now. Going to walk under a ladder, just for fun.


  3. Watch out for the black cat. And make sure you throw some Christian(TM) salt over your shoulder.


  4. The black cat died a year or so ago, and I think I’ve only got kosher salt. Don’t know why, though. Something about how they kill the original blocks of salt maybe?


  5. Ric – your “writer of some repute” was the author of the Book of Judas (and since no one knows who that was, it’s understandable that you would not recall his name). The only reason the Book of Judas is not a part of the New Testament is that the early church leaders got together and fucking VOTED on which books were in! So even if you are a Christian, unless you feel your allegiance lies with the Holy Roman Church (Catholicism), there is no good reason not to accept all of the gnostic gospels as being just as valid as what is commonly called “The New Testament”.

    From Wikipedia-

    The Gospel of Judas, on the other hand, portrays Judas in a very different perspective than do the Gospels of the New Testament, according to a preliminary translation made in early 2006 by the National Geographic Society: the Gospel of Judas appears to interpret Judas’s act not as betrayal, but rather as an act of obedience to the instructions of Jesus. This assumption is taken on the basis that Jesus required a second agent to set in motion a course of events which he had planned. In that sense Judas acted as a catalyst. The action of Judas, then, was a pivotal point which interconnected a series of simultaneous pre-orchestrated events.


  6. evo –

    It wasn’t BoJ, though the writer might have gotten the idea from there. It was quite a long time ago, and I think it was a sci fi writer, though I’m not sure of that. I thought BoJ was a recent discovery, no? If 2006 then this guy wouldn’t have had access to the text and was working the idea on his own. He was a familiar name, except of course to my addled brain.


  7. I guess it’s a fairly obvious problem that other authors could have guessed at.


  8. I seem to remember a time-travel scenario where there was a setup to awe the people and instill a morality play in peoples’ minds. That would have been way back in the heyday of paperback fanzines.
    Dad2059 has a pixellated fanzine and a Friday 13th post on Knights Templar.
    Judas was the treasurer. What sort of perspective does that give you on financiers ?


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