Rumors, Rumors, Rumors: McCain And Obama

John McCain is rumored to…

…have slapped a black campaign worker and called her a useless whore.

…have been so upset at having to admit that Senator Obama is a good man that his doctors had to sedate him after he ranted and raved for an hour about the remarks he made and was booed for by his rabble.

…have been told in a secret report from his doctors that he has only six months to live, thus insuring the Presidency of Sarah Palin if the Republicans win the election. He had to be sedated then too.

…have a secret plan to bomb Iran within the first month of taking office.

…have a secret plan to round up American dissidents and put them in Halliburton’s concentration camps. “Whiners and traitors,” he is said to have ranted.

…have suffered severe emotional and mental damage during his imprisonment in Vietnam, and is actually a completely brainwashed Manchurian candidate. His ranting and raging and raving is a sign that the brainwashing is breaking down and that he is headed for a psychotic break, probably on November 5, 2008.

Barack Obama is rumored to…

…be a black man.

…be married to a black woman.

…be a Christian of long standing.

…be intelligent and calm.

…know what he’s talking about.

…have been actively and productively involved in improving his community.

…to still crave cigarettes.

…to be a skilled and responsive politician.

The truth…

…is a slippery thing.

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3 Responses

  1. Yes, but McCain is also rumoured to have RepubliPravda supporting him. So the only rumours which matter are the ones about Obama.

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  2. Odd how the bad rumors about McCain are plausible, while the things the McCain campaign thinks are bad about Obama (he’s black; he was a community organizer; he’s worked with a lot of people to accomplish good things) are actually true.

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  3. Bah. You call these rumors? There’s not one sex scandal among the lot. Which must mean that McCain and Obama are basically pretty boring fellows. Now Bill Clinton, there’s a guy who knows how to fuel rumors.

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