The Lion Humbly Apologizes

Alright, forget the ‘humbly’ bullshit. The Lion doesn’t do humble.

The Lion has brought to The Lion’s attention that he hasn’t posted in a week. The Lion supposes that his loyal and humble followers are somewhat distraught by this ugly fact. The Lion would note, on the other hand, that those subscription cheques haven’t exactly been flowing in either.

The Lion offers the following excuses.

Doom Hand. A painful condition of the left hand brought on by playing too much Doom 3 during one of The Lion’s addictive periods, which periods generally occur during periods of severe depression brought on by a sense of sheer overwhelming feelings of helplessness as The Lion watches the United States go to hell in  a handbasket.

Major depression, evidenced by excessive playing of Doom 3, re-reading the Harry Potter books to the exclusion of any higher intellectual endeavor, the filling in of crossword puzzles in a compulsive manner, the willful neglect of the little chores of daily living, and the attractiveness of that bottle of little white pills in the medicine chest. Probably not enough but The Lion is picking up another bottle today.

Intense irritability and anger, directed at everything in the universe, and of sufficient intensity that The Lion thinks it wise that he not drive his car, a cute and snappy Ford Focus hatchback with a sport package of engine, suspension, and tires, which latter need replacing soon to the tune of $600.

In short, The Lion is not looking forward to the next eight years of the liars McCain and Palin flushing this country down the toilet while the Democrats flail around trying to figure out what being a Democrat means.

When Sarah Palin, who is as repulsive as Reagan and Bush together, spews her lies and the only people in the American press who call her a liar are Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann, while the rest of the press can only summon the courage to say the bitch is ‘stretching the truth’, then the country is in incredibly deep shit.

And not even the Democrats can bring themselves to say ‘Liar’. Watching Obama torture himself to avoid the word during his interview with Olbermann Monday night was painful.

The bitch (it’s okay to call her a bitch – using the word bitch to describe a female opponent has John McCain’s seal of approval – in fact he even thought it funny when applied to Hilary Clinton) isn’t running for prom queen. She’s running for the Oval Office. She’s a liar and a cheat who abused the power of her governorship. And she’s a religious freak. And she will quite literally have the fate of the world at her fingertips. The Lion assumes that McCain’s brain will finish imploding in the not too distant future, thus putting the bitch in control.

And to see so many people think McCain is fit material for the office of President is beyond comprehension by anyone with a shred of sanity. He slimes the political process every time he opens his mouth. He wouldn’t know the truth, no, he wouldn’t know a fact or a piece of evidence if it came up and bit him in the crotch.

He says Obama doesn’t have the judgment to be President, but it’s the brain-dead McCain singing ‘Bomb bomb bomb Iran’ while the country is involved in… in whatever the fuck the Bush administration is doing to Iran. It’s McCain who can’t get anything right on Iraq, or the economy. It’s McCain showing signs of senility.

And the elephant in the room is the last eight years of George W. Bush, another brain-damaged, intelligence-impaired God-talker who has put the United States on the edge of the abyss and has yet to show any sign that he has any clue about what goes on in the real world that real people live in.

Palin’s a cheap trick to distract us from the last eight years and the current ongoing fracturing of the American economy. She was put up front for just that purpose. We’re supposed to focus on her instead of Johnny MacBombBomb’s insanities. We’re supposed to focus on her instead of on unending and profound Republican failures and Republican destruction of viable, competent, and fair government.

That McCain chose Palin insults the office of President, insults women, insults the entire process of choosing political officers. That he chose her says pretty much all one needs to know about McCain, except that he does seem to actually believe that his years in a Vietnamese jail entitles him to foist his shabby, dangerous, and pathetic version of patriotism on us and the world from the White House.

But Palin isn’t the issue.

That the country is on the verge of self-destruction due to Republican control and Republican policies and Republican ethical corruption since 1994 is the issue.

There. The Lion feels better. The world is still fucked, the United States is still swirling the drain, but the really important acts have been accomplished. The Lion will live for another day. He has atoned for neglecting his readers. He has restored his honor and his place in the pantheon of feline blog gods. So let’s get those subscription cheques rolling in. The Lion’s car needs a new set of paws.

(Well, what the hell, with all these people running around asking for money so they can foist their bullshit on the rest of us, it’s only fair that someone as great as The Lion stoop to begging. Right? Right!)

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19 Responses

  1. I can’t send a subscription cheque, but I can offer a bit of advice: lie on the floor and let your cats climb all over you while purring loudly (the cats, not you (though you could purr if you want to)). That should lower your blood pressure and bring your mood up a few notches.

    And after reading the middle part (America is fucked and all that), can I have some of the little white pills? And what happened to the ‘little yellow pill?’ Wait. That was ‘mother’s little helper.’ Sorry.

    I have suffered from depression and am still on what I would call my own personal watch list for it. Actually, I didn’t suffer. Those around me did. I thought it was normal. Good luck and keep kicking.

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  2. When you say you were playing “Doom 3,” are you referring to some sort of computer game? Or do you just mean that you’ve been living in the United States for the past eight years? Coming soon: Doom 4.

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  3. () –

    Unfortunately my cats consider that sort of behavior undignified. In fact they once took me to court to get a restraining order. See what I have to put up with?

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  4. Ex –

    Doom 3 – computer game and United States.

    Is there really gonna be a Doom 4, or are you just talking about the election?

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  5. Isn’t that game like 5 years old? That’s approximately 40 years in gaming years. Time for something new, I think. Just because the political landscape hasn’t changed and doesn’t look like it’s going to change doesn’t mean your gaming landscape has to stay the same. Time for some change you can believe in, a change of game.

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  6. I remember Doom 1, which was free and you played it on your computer at work, getting nothing else done in the meantime. But I digress.

    I too don’t understand this hesitancy on the part of the media to call a lie a lie. WTF? I mean, have we all gone batshit jello in the brains? If someone says something that is false, and that someone is running for public office, and that someone repeats it time after time after having it pointed out that it is false, isn’t there an automatic disqualification button that engages, like the hook on stage or the trap door that opens up underneath and – Whooosh – she’s gone to a place with padded walls and guards? Why is she still on the loose?

    There’s something happening here, what it is ain’t exactly clear.

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  7. Ric, you need to show those cats who is in charge. At our house, the cats allow me to be in charge on alternate Tuesdays between 5:00am and 5:07am.

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  8. SI: If the MSM calls a lie a lie, then one of two things will happen. Either the Republicans have a case of vapors, fainting because of the audacity of the charge and making the media’s coverage of the story into the story, or it will end the story then and there — a three-day he-said, she-said is much MUCH more entertaining than a one day he-lied-end-of-discussion. For some reason the MSM thinks that Americans want controversy, not news. Bleah.

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  9. Philly –

    I’m a slow learner. Besides I get scared running around in the dark tunnels of Doom 3. Damned aliens pop out of the frigging walls and start ripping at me. I tell you, without xanax the game is unplayable.

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  10. Spanqi –

    Ah, yes, Doom 1. Reminiscent of peaceful, pleasant days roaming the corridors of Hell with nary a care in the world. Things have changed in Doom World, things have changed.

    Watch McCain the next time he blames Obama for the negative campaigning – actually, it’s not that it’s negative, it’s that it’s dirty and dishonest and sleazy beyond belief, not to mention sickeningly racist. Watch his face. The sonofabitch is either actually insane, or he knows exactly what’s going on and approves it and chooses to lie about it and to pretend that he’s pure as a daisy. I suspect that the latter interpretation proves the former.

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  11. () –

    Yeah, sure they do. You’re just trying to save face and make me look bad.

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  12. How?

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  13. By pretending your cats allow you to be in charge occasionally. I’ve been informed by my cats that they have a mole among your group, and he informs them that at no time are you allowed to be in charge. I suppose the next claim you make will be that you put lipstick on cats. Well, you can put lipstick on a cat, and it’s still a cat.

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  14. Ric: If one of the cats is a mole, it would have to be one of the two (ex-)females. The other two? One is senile (though his skin is beginnning to look like a naked mole rat) and the other (the 25-pounder) is dumber than McCain. The girls are both pretty darn smart.

    And they do allow me to be in charge. They do. Of course, it’s at a time of day when I’m asleep, but they really do.

    So how are you feeling? Still thinking of Doom 5 as a positive when compared to the Republicans?

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  15. No, it’s a real (((mole))), probably under the floorboards.

    Being ripped to shreds by a black hole (or a Doom demon) is a positive compared to living under any more years of Republican rule. I am currently orbiting between barely contained existential rage (I exist, therefore I rage) and pissy depression.

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  16. “That McCain chose Palin insults the office of President, insults women, insults the entire process of choosing political officers. That he chose her says pretty much all one needs to know about McCain….”

    Makes sense to me. Why are there so few of us who comprehend this simple truth?

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  17. Existential rage is better.

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  18. Chappie –

    Because not enough people read and comprehend the profound truths The Lion dispenses from his boundless wisdom, his endless intellect, his fathomless charm, his tremendous wit, his… his… Oh I just can’t go on, I’m so moved.

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  19. Heather –

    Better than pissy depression? I’d have to agree with that, especially after sitting for hours staring at a wall while my mind annoys me.

    Like

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