A New Award: The Lion’s Butt Award

Today The Lion introduces a new award and retires the once-used Anti-Clawdie Award. The ACA has certain logical problems, as pointed out by … crap, I forget who … either The Exterminator or Evo or maybe Philly… anyway, its brief but glorious history is now history.

In its place, the Lion’s Butt Award will be given to egregious commentary by either civilians or bloggers. Figuratively speaking, the award involves The Lion pointing his butt at the offender and emitting a rude noise.

Today’s first Lion’s Butt Award goes to a letter writer in today’s Globe. The letter is short and follows herewith in full:

ENOUGH ALREADY with the Globe’s gay agenda. How many front-page stories do we have to see to know that your agenda is to promote the gay/lesbian lifestyle? The July 21 article “Bloom’s off the brick row house: Buyers picking modern high-rise over classic style” could and should have been written from the heterosexual perspective. What you’re writing about is not a gay issue, it’s a human issue, and casting the story in a manner to feature gays is inappropriate. It’s time to straighten out, and I mean that in all senses of the word.

The story the writer refers to covered the housing search of a male gay couple in Boston.

The key phrase – “…is not a gay issue, it’s a human issue”.

Yup. Gays aren’t human. Couldn’t be clearer.

The writer most likely gets queasy at the thought of two men having sex. Fair enough. The Lion’s not comfortable with the idea either, but so what? Two men, or two women, they’re happy together, not a problem. Romance is romance, love is love. We can’t always help what we feel about people’s behavior. And out there in Nature where the animals and plants live, homosexuality is relatively rampant. People like our awardee would likely like to deny that humans are part of nature, justifying the behavior of  humans destroying the natural world in leaps and bounds.

But our letter writer decided those two guys weren’t human and apparently shouldn’t be treated like everybody else. The Lion suspects the fellow is probably quite comfortable living Levitically. You know, that part of the Bible that crows ‘Kill the witches, kill the heretics, kill the fags, kill everybody who is different’.

Seventy years ago our awardee, had he lived in Germany, would have been calling the Jews rats and vermin, just like the Jews today call the Palestinians rats and vermin. Same thing, different target. Once you dehumanize a group of people, once you make them lesser than you, you can justify doing anything to them. Beat them. Deny them civil and human rights. Round them up and put them in camps. Kill them.

Fags aren’t human. It’s okay to kill them, beat them, spit on them, laugh at them. They’re just things that look human and wear clothes and go to jobs and support families and pay taxes and eat in restaurants and…. oh, yeah, ooops, they do the same things us so-called straight people do. They just love differently. But they love.

Today’s awardee doesn’t understand any of that, and for promoting the view that gay people aren’t human, The Lion awards him a great big Lion’s Butt award, suitable for smelling up his entire house.

Congratulations, pal. A bottle of Lion’s Butt smell and noise will be delivered to your home by two large, heavily muscled gay men real soon now. Enjoy! (Oh, stop worrying, pal. They won’t bother you. They’re just deliverymen.)

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8 Responses

  1. Rude noise? I’m guessing that’s not the only rude thing being emitted.

    It’s nice you’re able to bottle the stuff, but I’d hate to be the guy that has to stand there holding the bottle while you do.

    Anyway, that letter letter writer deserves a case of the stuff. Delivered by the Village People.

    WHYYYYYY-EMM-SEE-AYYYY!

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  2. I’ll be patenting an automated bottling system I invented.

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  3. Not for nothing but before I read the article I was hoping there was a chance for redemption for the letter writer. You know like the article was about housing discrimination against any and all people. Alas the guy picks like 4 sentences from a two page piece that is a total real estate market piece.
    Hail Ric, awarder of awards, justly and fair.

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  4. Thanks, Alfie. I’ll remember you when I’ve become emperor of the world and chief awarder of awards.

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  5. How many people in the history of human-kind have had sex with animals, and what percentage of them do you suppose hate “the immoral lifestyle” of gays? I’m guessing a pretty high percentage, but I’ve never read any research on it, so I have to admit that it’s little more than a gut feeling.

    I’m not sure why this post made me wonder about that. I started by thinking of homosexuality in the animal kingdom. Now I’m normally one of those who will tell you that “natural” doesn’t necessarily mean good, or desirable. But in this case, I don’t use the homosexuality of animals to argue for it in humans. I simply use it because those who are so fervently against gays call it “immoral”. Animals aren’t moral or immoral in their actions. They aren’t capable of morality. So since they engage in homosexual acts, are themselves without morality, then it follows that homosexuality has nothing to do with morality.

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  6. evo-

    If I recall correctly there is some evidence for morality in animals, and I’m not sure whether it’s been sorted out as an evolutionary response to survival challenges, or something else.

    In any event, it appears not to matter to the fundogelicals since they don’t see themselves, or humanity, as part of nature, as subject to the laws of biology and physics and ecology. Their ‘morality’ isn’t reality based, it’s more of an artifact of the ability to use language. And use it badly.

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  7. Homophobia. Fair call. I think many of us have long ago taken our ‘don’t give a shit’ pills about the habits of those who do not intrude on our lives. Caution about those who do ‘make it their business’ in a most ‘enthusiastic’ way makes them keep their distance.
    I don’t just necessarily lay all of that at the feet of the Hate Media. If that’s where it comes from, it taps a well-established tradition which gave rise to the likes of the KKK, White Supremacists,Aryan Nation…a tradition of thuggery.

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  8. Welcome back, opit.

    This fellow got three responses in today’s Globe letters section, all negative. I’ll just consider those a validation of my stunningly perceptive award powers. 🙂

    Like

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