How Hillary Can Win The Nomination

The conventional wisdom and basic math suggest that Senator Clinton can’t win the Democratic nomination for President.

That may be the shortsighted view. There are ways in which she can win.

If she wins the remaining primaries with 85 percent of the vote in each one, she should at least pull even with Obama in committed delegates. And of course she could then claim she had momentum. (The Lion would indelicately point out that a rock rolling downhill into an abyss has momentum. But The Lion is too polite to mention that.)

She should be able to win 85 percent. All she has to do is convert all the voters into white Catholic working class people. This is America. According to the Pennsylvania results they wouldn’t vote for a black man if their lives depended on it. (Which, The Lion indelicately suggests, their lives may very well.)

Assuming that even she cannot carry out either of those strategies, a third path may be open. There are about 300 so-called superdelegates (known among the cognoscenti as the Democratic Oligarchs) who just haven’t made up their minds yet. Senator Clinton could simply bribe them. Offer them posts as ambassadors to Iraq and other Middle East and Southwest Asia countries. Or no-bid contracts worth billions of dollars to run roughshod over the people in that part of the world. Or she could just threaten to denounce them secretly to the Bush government, resulting in them disappearing into the waterboard rooms at Guantanamo Bay. Senator Clinton, those people can be had, by golly! Carrots and sticks, carrots and sticks, money or torture.

Now if that doesn’t work, she can, on the sly of course, hire Karl Rove and turn him loose on Senator Obama. Sly racist ads. Sly anti-Muslim ads. Sly fear ads. Examining her campaign, The Lion must conclude she has already hired Mr. Rove and has put him to work some time ago.

Still, there remains one more path she can take. Borrow some money, hire a discreet ex-CIA fellow, and assassinate Senator Obama before the convention.

The major flaw in that plan is that it would piss off Michelle Obama. Did you ever listen to that woman give a speech? You don’t want her angry at you. She would crush Hillary Clinton like a bug.

The Lion offers these suggestions to Senator Clinton knowing full well that if anyone can pull them off, she can. The nomination is within reach, Senator. Just keep stretching your hand out, keep reaching over the abyss that separates you from the nomination, reach a little more, come on, come on, a little more. You can do it, lady…

Oops…

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5 Responses

  1. Look, you shouldn’t even joke about assassination. Really. Everything else, fair game. I support Clinton, but I don’t think anyone wants Obama hurt or killed if they are a decent human being, and I would like to think that is most Americans, even the Catholic working class ones like me (I actually think you’re wrong about us voting for black candidates, and you might like to look at Catholics who helped the NAACP in major cases like Loving v. Virginia, because we have a strong social justice movement, or not). But it creeps me out to have anyone talk about assasssination.

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  2. Chicago –

    Congratulations on being the quickest ever to respond to a post.

    Given that Obama is black and is campaigning for President and that this is America, anyone who hasn’t considered that he might be assassinated isn’t living in the real world. You might feel creeped out, but that only suggests that you haven’t been paying attention to American history and national psychology.

    As for your ‘decent human being’, there are a good many who consider themselves such who would turn on a dime into ugly, violent, vicious bastards at the behest of a smart political leader, whether local or national. I’m quite certain those fundamentalist ‘Christians’ who picket the funerals of dead soldiers consider themselves ‘decent human beings’. So don’t go all Pollyanna here.

    As for the Catholic vote, if I recall correctly, that vote went 85 percent for Hillary in Pennsylvania, and as a Pennsylvanian commentator noted, you won’t find a lot of non-whites doing the Pope thing at Sunday Mass.

    And please note that I am not anti-Catholic. I despise all religions equally.

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  3. Hispanics are the growth group for the US Catholic Church. Obama got very early SS protection,do we need to guess why ? As for HRC I think the superdelegate route is the feasible one but they won’t do it. The Democratic Party of the USA taking the nomination from a minority candidate ? I don’t see it. Lastly…Vince Foster ?

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  4. I don’t think I am “not living in the real world” because certainly I know there is a danger it could happen to any one. There were two attempts on Gerald Ford’s life. Anyone in presidential politics is at risk. Maybe I just wouldn’t lump the followers of Fred Phelps in with decent human beings, but you’re right, they think they are. I contribute a lot to the Southern Poverty Law Center so I am aware of the hate that’s out there. My reaction was just purely emotional–I just don’t want to it to happen. Fair enough to call me on it, I guess.

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  5. Points for working with SPLC. Top notch group.

    Like Michael Corleone said, “If history has taught us anything, it’s that anyone can be killed.”

    True, and yes, ugly. But it doesn’t go away by refusing to mention it or discuss it or even make humor from it. Humor is one way people deal with the darkness.

    As for living in the real world, I try to avoid it as much as possible.

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