Contest Results Are In, And The Big Winner Is…

The Lion has reviewed all the entries for The Grumpy Contest, carefully considered each one and all the nuances of each. In his wisdom, The Lion has decided that most of the suggestions required actual work, and thinking, and research, and reading stuff. Those were declared ineligible by a committee comprising The Lion.

QB offered the low-hanging fruit of Hillary Clinton’s lies, but that was just too easy. That practically wrote itself. Of course it wasn’t humorous, as QB would have liked. Sorry about that, QB! And welcome back!

Ordinary Girl missed the point. She actually wanted The Lion to come up with an idea himself. But she’s a nice Midwestern girl, probably a little naive about effete, lazy, neurotic New Englanders. It was sweet of her though.

Philly Chief had a couple of interesting ones – ‘nipplegate’, and the fellow who is apparently harder up than The Lion, as he was caught raping a picnic table. One might hope he’s safely locked up someplace that lacks tables. And the chairs probably shouldn’t turn their backs on the guy. Even so, The Lion thinks he’d have to work more than he likes to dig up those stories and do something original with them, given that they probably can’t be topped in their simple, unvarnished telling.

Evo offered up Hillary. Unfortunately he made the beginner’s mistake of telling the whole story in his suggestion. Points for identifying her probable motives, though, which underscores the viciousness of her campaign.

Pattie offers grimness, though a good cause. The Lion thinks those folk are getting pretty good coverage in the press, which does need prodding now and again. Besides, The Lion doesn’t have it in him to get snarky about innocent men trapped in a deeply flawed system of what some call justice.

Finally, Parenthetical Billy came up with something that requires the least work, no research, no reading, and that allows The Lion to get snarky about his own favorite subject. Himself. An almost perfect suggestion. Of course Billy had to go spoil it somewhat by insulting the place in which The Lion lives, a place with nine months of crappy weather and three months of traffic jams and raging tourism. Perhaps PB would be willing to rent The Lion a room or two in the undoubtedly peaceful, bucolic, and just wonderful place where he lives?

Didn’t think so. Come say hi when you visit the Cape, PB. 🙂

Be that as it may, PB’s suggestion about influence has been ticking around in The Lion’s battered brain, and having already committed various crimes of getting personal in Grumpy Lion, The Lion sees little fault in perhaps doing it again, thus revealing more of his complex, ever fascinating, profound, and brilliant personality.

Therefore, the Lion declares Parenthetical Billy the winner. Unfortunately the cats ate the prize, four tickets to the finals of the NCAA basketball tournament, and two tickets to the next Super Bowl, and four tickets for all this year’s World Series games. Sorry about that, PB. On the positive side, you’ll get a better view of the games watching on the television.

The results of PB’s suggestion will appear soon at a Grumpy Lion blog in your neighborhood. Watch for celebrities, and enjoy the champagne.

And a hearty thanks to all six contestants, who gave it their all, overcoming tremendous odds (The Lion) in their valiant attempts to trample each other in the race to the finish.

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9 Responses

  1. No sooner read your contest rules and spent a little time mulling when lo & behold. It’s over.
    …….The modern world is moving too fast for me…….

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  2. Ah, you must have missed the ‘no mulling’ rule. Sorry about that. You may, of course, still offer your suggestions, but you have to understand you won’t be eligible for the prizes I’m not giving out.

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  3. I can live with that.

    Like

  4. In fairness, they never did show the table. It might be very seductive. Well if nipplegates and fucking picnic tables can’t win me anything around here, I don’t know what will!

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  5. PC –

    Well, you’ve won my undying admiration for being an indefatigable researcher who finds such things… or who just lucks into them.

    There’s two free tickets for you to watch the Keith Olbermann show on your tv at home any night this week. You have to pick them up at the Falmouth Starbucks by noon tomorrow, though.

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  6. Well, I was a little late for the contest, but here’s an idea for a whole series of posts. I see stuff like this all over the Atheosphere. Because I know you’re slowing down with age, I’ve included numbered instructions to make this really easy for you:

    1. Select an article from any newspaper or magazine that has an online presence.
    2. Copy and past the entire the article onto your blog.
    3. At the top of the article, write something like: Hey, everybody. Read this!
    4. IMPORTANT STEP: Read the article yourself.
    5. Scroll down to the end of your copied version. While you’re doing that, decide whether you loved or loathed the article.
    6. If you loved the article, type: You can say that again!
    7. If you loathed the article, type: Oh, yeah, fuckwad?

    Like

  7. Hey everybody! Read this!

    Well, I was a little late for the contest, but here’s an idea for a whole series of posts. I see stuff like this all over the Atheosphere. Because I know you’re slowing down with age, I’ve included numbered instructions to make this really easy for you:

    1. Select an article from any newspaper or magazine that has an online presence.
    2. Copy and past the entire the article onto your blog.
    3. At the top of the article, write something like: Hey, everybody. Read this!
    4. IMPORTANT STEP: Read the article yourself.
    5. Scroll down to the end of your copied version. While you’re doing that, decide whether you loved or loathed the article.
    6. If you loved the article, type: You can say that again!
    7. If you loathed the article, type: Oh, yeah, fuckwad?
    The Exterminator – April 1, 2008 at 10:17 pm e

    How about that Ex? Heckuva job, Exie!

    🙂

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  8. GL: I’m honoured. I have also experienced said crappy weather and traffic jams — my inlaws lived in West Falmouth from the late ’80s to the early ’00s (the “’00s” look surprised, don’t theY?) so my comments do have veracity.

    I will have a room in September here in beautiful uptown Wilkes-Barre. You’ll share it with an HO model railroad, and all my son’s stuff that he DOESN’T take to college (and with him during holidays). The cats? well, I hope they can deal with other cats. Including one really big one.

    Thanks for the felitickets, but unless they include transportation, lodging, food, and a generous per diem, plus money for souveniers, and a donation to the boy’s tuition fund (or does that sound greedy?), well . . .

    On another note: why does my name keep morphing? Now I’m PB. Does that mean my wife is Jam? or would she be bread? I’m confused (would that make me CB?). My wife says “I want to be chocolate (like the chocolate in peanut butter).”

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  9. What contest? What rules? What blog is this anyway? Did I miss something?

    Shit, I hate when I do that.

    Like

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