John McCain, Savior, Rushes In To Crucify America On The Cross Of Conservatism

Yesterday Senator John McCain of Arizona got up in front of a bunch of rabid Conservatives at the Conservative Political Action Conference and gave a speech touting his Conservative credentials and describing how he would save America from the terrible Democrats.

Herewith, The Lion takes on Mr. McCain’s speech, as prepared before the CPAC. The Lion notes that Conservatives are, by definition, delusional.

This is very long. Smiley goes on and on digging the hole that he should be properly buried in, and The Lion will take entirely too much pleasure helping him dig.

Thank you. Thank you for inviting me. It’s been a little while since I’ve had the honor of addressing you, and I appreciate very much your courtesy to me today. We should do this more often. I hope you will pardon my absence last year, and understand that I intended no personal insult to any of you. I was merely pre-occupied with the business of trying to escape the distinction of pre-season frontrunner for the Republican nomination, which, I’m sure some of you observed, I managed to do in fairly short order. But, now, I again have the privilege of that distinction, and this time I would prefer to hold on to it for a while.

Standard suck up talk to people who don’t like him. The Lion does congratulate the old fart on getting through a whole paragraph without saying ‘My friends, my friends’.

I know I have a responsibility, if I am, as I hope to be, the Republican nominee for President, to unite the party and prepare for the great contest in November. And I am acutely aware that I cannot succeed in that endeavor, nor can our party prevail over the challenge we will face from either Senator Clinton or Senator Obama, without the support of dedicated conservatives, whose convictions, creativity and energy have been indispensable to the success our party has had over the last quarter century. Many of you have disagreed strongly with some positions I have taken in recent years. I understand that. I might not agree with it, but I respect it for the principled position it is. And it is my sincere hope that even if you believe I have occasionally erred in my reasoning as a fellow conservative, you will still allow that I have, in many ways important to all of us, maintained the record of a conservative. Further, I hope you will grant that I have defended many positions we share just as ardently as I have made my case for positions that have provoked your opposition. If not, thank you for this opportunity to make my case today.

Of course The Lion would not expect any of these people to point out that the reason the country is in such dire straits today is because the Conservatives have been pulling the strings for at least a quarter of a century. Their actions are akin to rats pushing the iceberg into the Titanic. The results are not dissimilar.

I am proud to be a conservative, and I make that claim because I share with you that most basic of conservative principles: that liberty is a right conferred by our Creator, not by governments, and that the proper object of justice and the rule of law in our country is not to aggregate power to the state but to protect the liberty and property of its citizens. And like you, I understand, as Edmund Burke observed, that “whenever a separation is made between liberty and justice, neither . . . is safe.”

Here’s where John really goes off the rails. First, liberty isn’t a right. A people earns liberty, over and over.

Second, nobody conferred liberty on America. Americans are free because patriots, real patriots, not gutless ideologues like the Conservatives and the Republicans, fought for it, bled for it, died for it. Americans took their liberty by fighting the British Crown and driving them out of the country.

Third, the government does not confer liberty on the people, especially not a Republican or Conservative government. In fact the Republicans have done nothing but try to take liberty away from the people and aggregate power to themselves. That’s the Republican way, and it is definitely the Conservative way. They understand nothing of liberty; they measure it in dollars in their pockets.

The Lion would rephrase Burke to state that ‘whenever a separation is made between a Republican and his money, neither liberty or justice is safe’. One can’t help but notice the lengths these people will go to to avoid paying taxes to support the country.

While I have long worked to help grow a public majority of support for Republican candidates and principles, I have also always believed, like you, in the wisdom of Ronald Reagan, who warned in an address to this conference in 1975, that “a political party cannot be all things to all people. It must represent certain fundamental beliefs which must not be compromised to political expediency or simply to swell its numbers.”

Ronald Reagan wasn’t wise. He was a putz who put the country to sleep with an actor’s voice and mannerisms so that he and the Conservatives and Republicans could begin taking it apart and flushing it down their toilet. He governed using misleading anecdotes, seeing Communists under his bed, and with astrology. And let’s not forget that deathless quote, “Ketchup is a vegetable.” So much for his profound analysis of school lunch programs. Ronnie Raygun, a true Conservative.

I attended my first CPAC conference as the invited guest of Ronald Reagan, not long after I had returned from overseas, when I heard him deliver his “shining city upon a hill” speech. I was still a naval officer then, but his words inspired and helped form my own political views, just as Ronald Reagan’s defense of America’s cause in Vietnam and his evident concern for American prisoners of war in that conflict inspired and were a great comfort to those of us who, in my friend Jerry Denton’s words, had the honor of serving “our country under difficult circumstances.” I am proud, very proud, to have come to public office as a foot soldier in the Reagan Revolution. And if a few of my positions have raised your concern that I have forgotten my political heritage, I want to assure you that I have not, and I am as proud of that association today as I was then. My record in public office taken as a whole is the record of a mainstream conservative. I believe today, as I believed twenty-five years ago, in small government; fiscal discipline; low taxes; a strong defense, judges who enforce, and not make, our laws; the social values that are the true source of our strength; and, generally, the steadfast defense of our rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, which I have defended my entire career as God-given to the born and unborn.

The Lion would note that under Republican and Conservative leadership, while Smiley McCain sat in the Senate, the government has ballooned; the economy has been wrecked by the cut-taxes-and-spend-way-beyond-our-means crowd; taxes have been cut on the rich, who get a free ride on the backs of the workers, while local taxes and property taxes have been driven up and up because of Republican Federal tax and fiscal idiocy; American defense has been wrecked on the reefs of Iraq and the shallow shoals of an arrogant Republican president’s blind ideology; judges can no longer be trusted because the Republicans have so corrupted the Justice Department that the entire legal system of the United States is suspect, and the Supreme Court is packed with right wing ideologues who have no care for justice or the law; the social values he speaks of have been divisive and destructive, promulgated by bigots and religious fanatics who seek to build a theocracy on the babblings of men like McCain; and ‘God-given’ only works for those who believe in gods, and it shuts the door on the hundreds of millions of people who don’t believe and the billions who believe in something other than the religious drivel of the Christians. As for the ‘born and unborn’, that’s a nice sop thrown to the crowd that shoots doctors and bombs women’s health clinics.

Those are my beliefs, and you need not examine only my past votes and speeches to assure yourselves that they are my genuine convictions. You can take added confidence from the positions I have defended during this campaign. I campaigned in Iowa in opposition to agriculture subsidies. I campaigned in New Hampshire against big government mandated health care and for a free market solution to the problem of unavailable and unaffordable health care. I campaigned in Michigan for the tax incentives and trade policies that will create new and better jobs in that economically troubled state. I campaigned in Florida against the national catastrophic insurance fund bill that passed the House of Representatives and defended my opposition to the prescription drug benefit bill that saddled Americans with yet another hugely expensive entitlement program. I have argued to make the Bush tax cuts permanent, to reduce the corporate tax rate and abolish the AMT. I have defended my position on protecting our Second Amendment rights, including my votes against waiting periods, bans on the so-called “assault weapons,” and illegitimate lawsuits targeting gun manufacturers. I have proudly defended my twenty-four year pro-life record. Throughout this campaign, I have defended the President’s brave decision to increase troop levels in Iraq to execute a long overdue counterinsurgency that has spared us the terrible calamity of losing that war. I held these positions because I believed they were in the best interests of my party and country.”

The Lion thinks this paragraph is exemplary for the amount of bullshit crammed into it. One would not think it possible to fit that much crap in so few words.

He’s against government health care, but supports a free market solution for the people who don’t have health care. John, you moron, they don’t have it because they can’t afford it under the current so-called free market. There are people sick, suffering, and dying because Conservatives and Republicans want to make sure their friends in the insurance business get their fat profits, which they can kick back to politicians.

Nice of you to suck up to Michigan, like your pal Romney did. You might notice that there are 49 other states, and a goodly number of them aren’t doing so damn well either.

As for the prescription drug benefit that you think so little of, perhaps someone forgot to tell you that Republicans passed that bill under a Republican president who wanted it, and that Republicans insisted that the Federal government would have no right to bargain over prices with the drug companies whose fat profits provided kickbacks to the politicians.

And the tax cuts? That’s excellent, Smiley. Let’s just run the country on no money at all, except what we can borrow from the Asians or anybody else stupid enough to lend us money. And let’s make sure that the rich don’t have to pay a fair share or, indeed, do anything at all to support the country. After all, the less they pay in taxes, the more they’ll have left to kick back to Republican politicians.

And Johnny boy, there’s no need for corporate tax cuts. Really, there isn’t. Those clever businessmen have discovered that all they have to do is rent a mailbox offshore, call it their corporation, and suddenly they don’t have to pay taxes anymore and can kick back some of the savings to the Republican politicians who turn a blind eye to such treachery.

The gun thing, Johnny, sheer genius. Did you get your gun, Johnny? You think assault weapons should go to anyone who wants one. You think no one should have to wait to buy a gun so he can be checked out by law enforcement to make sure he’s not a criminal, a terrorist, or a nutcase Conservative. You think gun manufacturers should bear no responsibility at all for their weapons. Wow, Johnny, a gun in every pot. Is that your position? Must be, because you acted to remove any and all limits on guns. Got stock in the AK-47 manufacturer, do you? (Aren’t they made in China, John?)

But the corker on that paragraph, the good one you saved for last to make sure that no one could possibly miss it, oh my, Smiley, you outdid yourself.

“I have defended the President’s brave decision to increase troop levels in Iraq to execute a long overdue counterinsurgency that has spared us the terrible calamity of losing that war.”

Did you forget your little foray into an Iraqi marketplace? You know, the little jaunt that led you to declare the place just as safe as could be? The one where you wore armor and were guarded by a hundred soldiers, five attack helicopters, and a bunch of armored vehicles? The one where the next day twenty-one people were killed because you had been there?

Did you ever notice that the real calamity of that war isn’t about a stupid and arrogant country losing it, but is instead about the hundreds of thousands of dead Iraqis, about the almost two million who have been displaced internally and the two and half million who have fled the American-created bloodbath? Did you ever notice that it’s about a country destroyed by a Republican Conservative president whose grasp on reality is more tenuous than that of pop tarts like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan? Did you notice the calamity of massive American debt, money wasted fighting a useless war? Of American soldiers killed and grievously wounded for nothing, for nothing at all, except for the egos of ideological Conservatives, who stay home rather than volunteering to go over there to actually fight for what they say they believe?

Calamity, Smiley? The calamity needed is for you and the Republicans and the Conservatives to be driven from power and crushed for generations so you can never be in a position to destroy the United States again with your blindness, your stupidity, your immorality, and your complete failure to understand what this country is really about. Come to think of it, that wouldn’t be a calamity at all, not to most Americans and certainly not to the rest of the world.

Surely, I have held other positions that have not met with widespread agreement from conservatives. I won’t pretend otherwise nor would you permit me to forget it. On the issue of illegal immigration, a position which provoked the outspoken opposition of many conservatives, I stood my ground aware that my position would imperil my campaign. I respect your opposition for I know that the vast majority of critics to the bill based their opposition in a principled defense of the rule of law. And while I and other Republican supporters of the bill were genuine in our intention to restore control of our borders, we failed, for various and understandable reasons, to convince Americans that we were. I accept that, and have pledged that it would be among my highest priorities to secure our borders first, and only after we achieved widespread consensus that our borders are secure, would we address other aspects of the problem in a way that defends the rule of law and does not encourage another wave of illegal immigration.

Ah. Keep the dirty little Mexicans out? But Johnny boy, they keep wages down for the corporations that put money in your pocket. No Mexicans means higher wages for Americans, which means higher prices for American goods, which means people will get pissed off at you. So the chances of you really securing the borders amounts to a vial of ant piss. And John, if you’re concerned about keeping terrorists out, forget it. They’re not stupid, as you and your kind apparently like to think. They’ll get in. Of course, because you and yours have wasted and continue to waste money on useless wars, the country won’t have the money or the means to do a good job actually finding them in the country. Real terrorists, that is, not dumbass clowns like that bunch in Miami.

All I ask of any American, conservative, moderate, independent, or enlightened Democrat, is to judge my record as a whole, and accept that I am not in the habit of making promises to my country that I do not intend to keep. I hope I have proven that in my life even to my critics. Then vote for or against me based on that record, my qualifications for the office, and the direction where I plainly state I intend to lead our country. If I am so fortunate as to be the Republican nominee for President, I will offer Americans, in what will be a very challenging and spirited contest, a clearly conservative approach to governing. I will make my case to voters, no matter what state they reside in, in the same way. I will not obscure my positions from voters who I fear might not share them. I will stand on my convictions, my conservative convictions, and trust in the good sense of the voters, and in my confidence that conservative principles still appeal to a majority of Americans, Republicans, Independents and Reagan Democrats.

The Lion takes your words to heart, Smiley, and is judging your record as a hole. For instance, the other day you promised us one hundred years of war. Now there’s a hole none of us want to go down, but you go ahead and chase the white rabbit, you sick old man.

As for the good sense of the voters, forget it. They put the little psychopath in the White House, remember? Oh, of course you do. You’re the guy who hugged him onstage after he slimed your family with racial slurs in the 2000 South Carolina primaries. Yeah, Smiley, you’re really a man of principle, aren’t you?

Often elections in this country are fought within the margins of small differences. This one will not be. We are arguing about hugely consequential things. Whomever the Democrats nominate, they would govern this country in a way that will, in my opinion, take this country backward to the days when government felt empowered to take from us our freedom to decide for ourselves the course and quality of our lives; to substitute the muddled judgment of large and expanding federal bureaucracies for the common sense and values of the American people; to the timidity and wishful thinking of a time when we averted our eyes from terrible threats to our security that were so plainly gathering strength abroad. It is shameful and dangerous that Senate Democrats are blocking an extension of surveillance powers that enable our intelligence and law enforcement to defend our country against radical Islamic extremists. This election is going to be about big things, not small things. And I intend to fight as hard as I can to ensure that our principles prevail over theirs.

George Orwell lives, George Orwell lives!!

Republicans are the ones who have take the country backwards and taken our freedom and arrogated to themselves the right to decide the course and quality of our lives.

Republicans have substituted the muddled judgment of bureaucracies filled with Republican incompetents and ideologues and party hacks for common sense and rationality.

And it was a Republican president, George W. Bush, who ignored the plain warnings of a major terrorist attack, and his bureaucracy that refused to listen to the warnings of FBI agents. The towers fell because Republicans chose to be blind to the people who handed them the information needed to go on guard against what happened on September 11. To accuse the Democrats of timidity and wishful thinking is to ignore the delusional thinking of virtually everyone in the Republican party, in the Republican Senate and House, and in the Republican White House.

And to knock the Democrats for demanding accountability in surveillance when a Republican president freely admits to breaking the surveillance laws, who spies on Americans, all Americans, shows Smiley to be nothing more than another Bush clone, a dictator-in-waiting, a freak who thinks Orwell’s 1984 provides an excellent blueprint on how to govern.

Senator Clinton and Senator Obama want to increase the size of the federal government.

I intend to reduce it. I will not sign a bill with earmarks in it, any earmarks in it. I will fight for the line item veto, and I will not permit any expansion whatsoever of the entitlement programs that are bankrupting us. On the contrary, I intend to reform those programs so that government is no longer in that habit of making promises to Americans it does not have the means to keep.

Well, Smiley, it can’t get much bigger than the Republicans have already made it since Bush took office.

And those entitlement programs? Medicare, Social Security, that sort of thing? Like a true Republican, Smiley wants to gut those and spend the money on foolish wars abroad. Any American who turns his back on a Republican will get knifed, count on it. Don’t forget, Smiley, you Republicans promised us a war that would be over in a few weeks. Remember? Candy? Flowers? That was, The Lion hates to remind you but he notes you are apparently getting senile, that was five years ago.

Senator Clinton and Senator Obama will raise your taxes.

I intend to cut them. I will start by making the Bush tax cuts permanent. I will cut corporate tax rates from 35 to 25% to keep industries and jobs in this country. I will end the Alternate Minimum Tax. And I won’t let a Democratic Congress raise your taxes and choke the growth of our economy.

The Lion hopes to hell they raise taxes, because Republicans have pushed the United States into an economic hole that Americans will be paying for for generations. But of course Smiley hasn’t noticed, has he, that the economy is choking to death on Republican economic policies.

They will offer a big government solution to health care insurance coverage.

I intend to address the problem with free market solutions and with respect for the freedom of individuals to make important choices for themselves.

Hey, Smiley, we’ve got a free market now and it doesn’t frigging work. And that line about “respect for the freedom of individuals to make important choices for themselves” is pure Republican bullshit. All that means is that Republicans won’t lift a finger to help anyone in need. After all, that might take some money out Republican pockets.

They will appoint to the federal bench judges who are intent on achieving political changes that the American people cannot be convinced to accept through the election of their representatives.

I intend to nominate judges who have proven themselves worthy of our trust that they take as their sole responsibility the enforcement of laws made by the people’s elected representatives, judges of the character and quality of Justices Roberts and Alito, judges who can be relied upon to respect the values of the people whose rights, laws and property they are sworn to defend.

Oh puhleeze! Roberts and Alito are right wing nutcases who intended from the moment they were nominated to push a right wing nutcase agenda on the country, never mind what the law and the Constitution have to say, never mind what would be in the best interests of all the people.

All of the American people do not want to accept a ban on abortion, nor do they want women reduced to second-class status. The people do not want a gun in every pocket. They do not want to lose the right to sue miscreant corporations who kill and maim for profit. They do not want to lose the right to breathe clean air and drink clean water. They do not want to give up their liberty to a bunch of jackass ideologues who should never have risen above working the bench in traffic court.

Senator Clinton and Senator Obama will withdraw our forces from Iraq based on an arbitrary timetable designed for the sake of political expediency, and which recklessly ignores the profound human calamity and dire threats to our security that would ensue.

The Lion hopes someone will get the United States the hell out of Iraq. Republicans sure won’t, they’ve proven that. Neither will any of their young volunteer to go fight there. Iraq was never a threat to the United States, and certainly isn’t now. They can’t even get the water to run and the electricity to flow – mostly because the goddamned Americans won’t get out of the way. The calamity is Iraq’s, not America’s, though America is suffering a moral calamity because of this war.

I intend to win the war, and trust in the proven judgment of our commanders there and the courage and selflessness of the Americans they have the honor to command. I share the grief over the terrible losses we have suffered in its prosecution. There is no other candidate for this office who appreciates more than I do just how awful war is. But I know that the costs in lives and treasure we would incur should we fail in Iraq will be far greater than the heartbreaking losses we have suffered to date. And I will not allow that to happen.

Smiley appreciates how awful war is? Now there’s a crock. He flew a plane high into the air and rained death on people he couldn’t see – men, women, children, he didn’t care – and when the people he attacked from that safe haven caught him and dumped him in a cell for five years he didn’t learn a damn thing, not one damn thing about the horrors he visited on those people, and that he wants to visit on Iraqis and Afghanis and probably Iranians. Want to learn something, Smiley? Let’s put you in a cage in the middle of downtown Baghdad and let the Iraqis show you how grateful they are for what you and your Republicans have done to them, you pathetic, sick bastard.

They won’t recognize and seriously address the threat posed by an Iran with nuclear ambitions to our ally, Israel, and the region.

I intend to make unmistakably clear to Iran we will not permit a government that espouses the destruction of the State of Israel as its fondest wish and pledges undying enmity to the United States to possess the weapons to advance their malevolent ambitions.

Johnny my boy, didn’t anyone tell you that Israel has a few hundred nuclear weapons? That no one else around there has them, except Pakistan, which shouldn’t, but you turned a blind eye to that. Didn’t you notice that the reason the Middle East is dangerous ground is because the Israelis have behaved like Nazis towards the Palestinians, and that we have supported every atrocity, every land grab, every apartheid move the Israelis have done? Continuing blind support for Israel guarantees there will never be peace in the Middle East and that the United States will continue to be seen as the enemy by hundreds of millions of Muslims.

But you’re making it clear that your policy in that area will be more of the same, probably with bombs bombs bombs for Iran. You choose failed policies over anything new or original or even useful. You delusional old dog, you.

Senator Clinton and Senator Obama will concede to our critics that our own actions to defend against its threats are responsible for fomenting the terrible evil of radical Islamic extremism, and their resolve to combat it will be as flawed as their judgment.

Funny, Johnny, but anybody who has a clue about what goes on in the world knows that things don’t happen in a vacuum. The history of the United States in the Middle East (in fact in most of the world) is shameful and disgusting. Arrogant white men, glorying in their ignorance and their weapons, have visited death and destruction in every corner of the globe, usually in pursuit of corporate profits, a pursuit disguised as righteous attempts to impose our values and government on people who wanted neither. Payback is a bitch, Johnny, and she’s got sharp teeth and long, vicious claws.

I intend to defeat that threat by staying on offense and by marshaling every relevant agency of our government, and our allies, in the urgent necessity of defending the values, virtues and security of free people against those who despise all that is good about us.

They don’t despise what’s good about us, Smiley. They despise the evil we’ve visited on them and their neighbors. They despise the stench of the rotting corpses of women and children slaughtered by American bombs and bullets, by American arrogance. Half a million children died in Iraq because of sanctions against that country imposed by the United Nations at the demand of the United States. That was before Crazy George invaded and finished the job of destroying that country. Those are the things they despise, Smiley, and there’s nothing good about any of it.

These are but a few of the differences that will define this election. They are very significant differences, and I promise you, I intend to contest these issues on conservative grounds and fight as hard as I can to defend the principles and positions we share, and to keep this country safe, proud, prosperous and free.

You mean you didn’t notice that Conservatism has exactly the opposite effect? We’re not safe, we’re not proud, we’re no longer prosperous, and we sure as hell are not as free as we were before the Republicans took over the government.

We have had a few disagreements, and none of us will pretend that we won’t continue to have a few. But even in disagreement, especially in disagreement, I will seek the counsel of my fellow conservatives. If I am convinced my judgment is in error, I will correct it. And if I stand by my position, even after benefit of your counsel, I hope you will not lose sight of the far more numerous occasions when we are in complete accord.

Yeah, John, you go ahead and take the advice of Conservatives. You just do that. Go ahead, listen to them, take their advice, and drive this country so deep into debt and disgrace and dishonor that we’ll never get up. You do that, you disgusting little man.

I began by assuring you that we share a conception of liberty that is the bedrock of our beliefs as conservatives. As you know, I was deprived of liberty for a time in my life, and while my love of liberty is no greater than yours, you can be confident that mine is the equal of any American’s. It is a deep and unwavering love. My life experiences in service to our country inform my political judgments. They are at the core of my convictions. I am pro-life and an advocate for the Rights of Man everywhere in the world because of them, because I know that to be denied liberty is an offense to nature and nature’s Creator. I will never waver in that conviction, I promise you. I know in this country our liberty will not be seized in a political revolution or by a totalitarian government. But, rather, as Burke warned, it can be “nibbled away, for expedience, and by parts.” I am alert to that risk and will defend against it, and take comfort from the knowledge that I will be encouraged in that defense by my fellow conservatives.

To which The Lion says ‘Bullshit!’ You’re pro-death, Smiley. That grin on your face is the grin of the reaper.

You have heard me say before that for all my reputation as a maverick, I have only found true happiness in serving a cause greater than my self-interest. For me, that cause has always been our country, and the ideals that have made us great. I have been her imperfect servant for many years, and I have made many mistakes. You can attest to that, but need not. For I know them well myself. But I love her deeply and I will never, never tire of the honor of serving her. I cannot do that without your counsel and support. And I am grateful, very grateful, that you have given me this opportunity to ask for it.

‘The ideals that have made us great’? You’re dedicated to them? You have no clue about what they are. The Lion will tell you this, Johnny boy, it’s not Conservative ideals that made us great, that’s for damn sure.

Thank you and God bless you.

And up yours, Smiley.



17 Responses

  1. Thanks for the commentary. It’s more more informative than typical TV airheads’ comments about ties, lapel pins and low-cut vests (unless one really digs political fashion accessories).


  2. Inform? Inform?! My dear Chappie, The Lion does not inform, The Lion does not snitch to the intellect. Nor does The Lion do ties and lapel pins or low-cut vests (unless of course they are being worn by buxom babes…). No, lady, The Lion slashes and claws, attacks in full fang, shedding the blood of hypocrites and liars and the politically and religiously delusional. The Lion roars.

    And you will pretend not to notice The Lion’s delusions and occasional furball, thank you very much! You will be rewarded, possibly in Illinois, maybe Indiana. New York? Who the hell knows? Sometime, somewhere, someone will give you something for free. Consider that your reward.

    Valium? Where is it? Please?


  3. Geez, Ric. Mittens exits stage right, and you have nothing to snarl about.


  4. Spanqi –

    There’s always something to snarl about. Even in physics there are snarlables – dark matter, dark energy, dark blogs – and I’m living proof that snarling can change some things and have a profound effect on the world. See this for proof.



  5. LOL grumpy lion….hopefully this will ungrump you for a few minutes: John McCain spoof


  6. Cindy – Thanks for the link to the McCain spoof. Good stuff.


  7. Cindy –

    Thanks for the link. Unfortunately, The Lion is unable to ungrump. His grump gene is permanently engaged in overdrive. There is no treatment, although a little glass of vermouth in the evening helps slow down the grumpingness. Science believes that the grump gene is environmentally activated.


  8. Cindy:
    I thought you were sending us to a McCain spoof. How sneaky of you getting us to click on an actual McCain advertisement.

    The grump gene, which I share with you, is the result of millions of years of evolutionary development. It kicks in at about the same time as the farting-a-lot gene and the where’d-I-put-my-keys gene. That’s around age 50, give or take a few years. Scientific studies have shown that humans with the grump gene survive better because cheery idiots tend to leave them alone.


  9. My comment in the previous thread is not to be construed as support for McCain. Still I’m willing to support the candidate that will help prevent your aneurysm since I like you. So,drop a name on me. On a side the post was powerful,angry and passionate. Pour a large drink and breathe.


  10. Ex said: Scientific studies have shown that humans with the grump gene survive better because cheery idiots tend to leave them alone.

    Think of me as a mutant allele in your grump gene.


  11. fray –

    I had a Bloody Mary last night at a dinner party. Damn near put me on the floor.

    As for picking a candidate for you, not possible. You’re as unlikely to vote for a Democrat as I am to vote for a Republican. Not going to happen. Not ever. And since both possible Republican candidates guarantee nothing but a continuation and worsening of the disaster the Republicans have brought on this nation, I’d have to assume that you are in favor of continuing the disaster by voting for one of them. However, I will console myself with the thought that my vote will cancel yours. You may, vice-versa, do the same if you like. Ah, look, common ground! πŸ™‚


  12. Ex –

    I’m glad you researched the grump gene. I was speaking on the basis of experience and intuition and one brief study on the environmental connection (which reference I have misplaced). It’s good to know that there is more solid science at work on the matter. Can you provide references?

    Evo –

    You’re obviously moving up in the world. It’s better to be a mutant allele than a mere mutant. Or so I’m told. But one must consider that without mutations, hence mutants, where would we be? Probably still hanging around the trees at the edge of the savannah. Perhaps a mutant allele lives in the best of both worlds. Perhaps Ex could research that. πŸ™‚ What’s that sound? Listen. Oh, okay, that’s just Darwin rolling over in his grave. Or was it Mel Brooks?

    So, here I have a brand new keyboard and nobody has commented on the nice work it does getting posts and comments into the system. I’m disappointed…


  13. @Ric. Never assume brother. One for the (R’s) there is only one. Huckles is going nowhere.I won’t vote for McCain. All the candidates will continue the current wars to some degree. Two of them will possibly extend them a (R) and a (D) btw. Also I’m just up 95 so my vote would not have mattered in the general.We have places we could find common ground. Whether that is a statement or an invitation mmm. The keyboard works absolutely mah-velous.


  14. fray –

    Both Dems have said they would start pulling the troops out, all else being equal. My read is that there is no political future in keeping the wars going and the Dems know that. But who knows what the situation will be in January 09.

    Glad you like the keyboard. It’s wireless. The Lion is untethered!! Watch out, world!

    I’m not so sure the Huckster is going nowhere. It’s unlikely he can pull out the nomination, but he may garner enough votes, delegates, and power to pull the Republicans further to the right into the religious quagmire. He’s dangerous, in an absolute sense rather than a partisan one. Frighten the people enough and his influence could become pivotal.


  15. You’ve got to be careful with those wireless keyboards. I hear theists and Republicans and some small rodents have figured out how to jam and/or intercept the signal from keyboard to CPU.

    Just be sure to proofread the final product, or you may find yourself, when you least expect it, endorsing McCain. Or worse, offering a prayer for his election.


  16. Ric asked:
    Can you provide references? [on grump gene research]

    Here are four:
    (1) “Epigenetic Dimorphism and Gender Variants in the Grump Gene,” Dr. Kermit Udgeon, Bogus Studies in Genetic Theory, May 2006.

    (2) “Der Grumpenkrazygen und Lieben und Leben,” Dr. Heinrich H. Heinrich, Untranslatable German Papers on Biology, February 2007.

    (3) “Grumpy Genes and their Effect on Workplace Whistling,”
    Doc, Happy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful, Dopey, and Dr. S. White, Modern Mining, October 2007.

    (4) “Analysis of Annoying Stimuli in Getting the So-Called ‘Grump’ Gene to manifest Itself in Rats,” Professors M-I-C,-K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E and D. Duck, Science for Mouseketeers, January 2008.


  17. My dear Ex, you have outdone yourself. Your research skills are beyond compare. I’ll be sending for copies of these right away.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: