The Lion Is Shocked, Shocked…

The Lion was shocked to see that Jamie Lynn Spears, the sixteen year old inarticulate, no-talent younger sister of Britney Spears, an inarticulate, no-talent tabloid performer, got knocked up. Apparently the younger tart was practicing abstinence, George Bush’s favorite birth control method.

It wasn’t that the dumb little twit did some bareback boinking and got pregnant that did in The Lion’s sensibilities. No, it was that something as stupid and pathetic as this got more than two seconds of air time and more than one inch of newsprint. And was taken seriously, as if it meant something.

The Lion finds himself overcome, just completely overcome. Palpitations ensue. Fainting is possible. Roaring is muted. It is as if the Hindenberg fell. ‘Oh the idiocy, the idiocy…”

image So, in the true spirit of these holidays, The Lion is giving himself the present of a hiatus until 2008. A Lion can only take so much before he shakes the fleas out of his mane and retreats beneath his favorite shade tree to contemplate the stupidity of his species and to luxuriate in the arrogance of his all-knowingness and Lionly wisdom.

Roar.

Roar.

Phblblblblblblblt.

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12 Responses

  1. I know I am probably giving this more thought than it deserves, but I have a story which illustrates my point quite well:

    There is a family up our street which is VERY catholic (even down to the discarded bathtub shrine around the jesus statue in the back yard). Catholic school, the whole works. They did not ‘believe’ in sex education other than don’t do ‘it’. Nobody ever said what ‘it’ was. As far as the parents were concerned, the first time their kid will know about sex is the day they sit down with the (celibate) preacher for a pre-marital chat.

    The 13-year-old girl had a boyfriend. The parents said, aw, isn’t that cute. The little girls monthly friend did not appear. Mom took her to the doctor. Pregnant.

    Mom handled it well. Over the next three weeks, she kept introducing into the conversation with Dad items about girls getting into trouble and what the parental response should be. Dad had no clue. Though he did, apparently, give some choice opinions about the lack of parenting skills of said soon to be grandparents. Finally, one day, she cornered him and asked him flat out what the parents should do if a young girl gets a little bit preggers. Dad said that the parents should support the girl, raise the child as their own, and have a talk with her about responsibility. Then he asked, why do you ask?

    Mom restrained Dad in the bedroom ’til he was calmed down. They sat down and talked with the 13-year-old mother to be. She said, in all honesty, “We didn’t know that putting his thing in there was sex.”

    The now have a three year old grandson (beautiful toddler), a daughter who is finishing school and planning to go to college, and the three younger daughters have all had sex-ed at the public school they now go to, and at home, Dad has even gotten age appropriate books WITH ILLUSTRATIONS (tastefully done, mind you) to make sure that the younger girls also know that “putting his thing in there” really is sex and really does result in babies.

    The current trend to absinthe only sex education (sorry, that’s abstinence) really is harmful at many levels. A good sex-ed program at school and understanding parents who are willing to be adult about the subject will work. Not every time, but it does work.

    So. Did a parent sit down with this kid and explain what happens and the possible ramifications? Did the kid’s school explain what happens and possible ramifications? Did the kid, herself, just assume that bad things don’t happen to rich, famous people?

    Enquiring minds want to know.

    Not really, but I enjoy ranting.

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  2. Or maybe she’s just a younger sister to an older sibling who gets far too much attention, and couldn’t figure out a better way of getting her own?

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  3. I was expecting Nickelodeon to make a public statement supporting her but pointing out that getting knocked up at 16 isn’t such a great idea – you know: condemn the sin, not the sinner – but no, they actually praised the little slut!!! 🙂

    Happy Christmas

    Steph x x x

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  4. Spanqi – The little twit has her own show on Nickelodeon, in which she plays the challenging part of a girl her own age. Not to brag – okay, to brag – I did stagework at Brown, some decades ago, playing a Spanish noble in a French farce, Van Helsing in Dracula, a lead in Pinter’s Dumbwaiter, and two or three other meaty roles, none of which were a dumbass college kid playing a dumbass college kid. These pop tarts aren’t talents – they’re commodities.

    Steph – And her boyfriend left her, too! Awwww! Probably watched the girlfriend morphing into her big sister and decided fleeing was the better part of valor.

    And thank you for the x x x. I won’t wash my computer screen for at least a year… 🙂

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  5. Billy – Rant away! I live to rant.

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  6. Probably watched the girlfriend morphing into her big sister and decided fleeing was the better part of valor.

    LOl 🙂

    And don’t I get any kisses back? 🙂

    Merry Christmas Ric

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  7. Steph – I emailed your Christmas present. Didn’t want to make the other guys jealous with a public display of shameless affection.

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  8. You’ve been tagged for the Top 20 Albums Meme. Check my December 22 post for details.

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  9. chaplain – as you may remember from my Seven Meme post, I am a meme atheist, or an amemist. Which gives me a wonderful excuse for declining, because I haven’t got twenty favorite anythings. But thanks for thinking of me (he said sweetly, realizing that it is impossible to not think of him, given the degree of his pugnacity, the punch of his language, the charm of his mind, the elegance of his wit, the handsomeness of his mien… hmmm, maybe I could come up with twenty favorite things.) 🙂

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  10. It appears that your 20 favorite things all begin with either “me” or “my.” Why am I not surprised? 😉

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  11. I had an emotionally deprived childhood…?

    Medical research convincingly demonstrates that my ego is normal sized, but my brain and skull are undersized, thus creating the relativistic illusion that I have an outsized ego. It fools a lot of people. I’m actually stupid.

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  12. “No, it was that something as stupid and pathetic as this got more than two seconds of air time and more than one inch of newsprint. And was taken seriously, as if it meant something.”

    Agree with you. Heard long discussions legal and social about his pregnancy on CNN.

    Like

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