Scientists Clone Monkey Embryos; Promises To End Disease And Suffering For Millions Of People; Church Objects Strenuously

Colin Nickerson writes in the Globe today that scientists in Oregon have successfully cloned monkey embryos to produce stem cells.

“I am quite sure it will work in humans,” Shoukhrat Mitalipov, who led the Oregon team, told reporters in a telephone briefing.

He said stem cell research holds “great promise for treating a variety of diseases, including Parkinson’s, multiple sclerosis, diabetes, cardiac disease, and spinal cord injuries.”

The Catholic Church immediately cried foul.

“The risk lies in applying the technique to humans,” said the Rev. Thomas Berg, head of the Westchester Institute, a Roman Catholic think tank. “Such a pursuit, if successful, would be one of humanity’s darkest endeavors.”

And of course there’s George Bush, one of the greatest mass murderers of all time.

Most research on human embryonic stem cells is opposed by the Bush administration and some religious conservatives on the grounds that it involves making and then destroying an embryo that holds the potential to become a human being.

Say, doesn’t a sperm cell hold the potential to become a human being? Gee, how many did The Lion murder in last week’s wet dream? And what about eggs? Lots of potential there, and every month around the world billions get tossed with the Tampax. Not to mention those millions of monthly spontaneous abortions women’s bodies carry out on their own. Maybe the Church would like to fulfill its pro-life logic by burning those women at the stake. Wouldn’t be the first time, would it?

Apparently, according to Catholic doctrine, saving actual lives and relieving millions from disease and suffering, is a dark endeavor. That’s intrinsic evil, according to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, which warned that support for “such acts could endanger a Catholic voter’s salvation.” Yes, Catholic dudes and dudettes, the Church is telling you that your individual salvation is more important than the lives and suffering of hundreds of millions of people.

Do we lump that dark endeavor of stem cell research in with the dark endeavor of  torture and murder done by the Church during the Inquisition and other holy endeavors? Or do we lump it in with large scale priestly pederasty covered up by the Church (and wasn’t that a waste of sperm up little boys’ butts…)? How about the dark endeavor of discouraging birth control among the poor in countries and a world vastly overpopulated?

The Lion notes that right next to the cloning article is a small paragraph in which the Agriculture Department reports that 35.5 million Americans went hungry in 2006 because they couldn’t find jobs that would support them.

Perhaps the Pope and his coterie of medieval old men in red dresses could get off their irrational butts and step into this century and deal with real problems instead of pushing their pro-death dark agenda on the rest of the world.


5 Responses

  1. not only that but if we didn’t come from monkeys, why is the church so against cloning them? it has NO significance for god’s ultimate creation: the human… RIGHT? 😛


  2. I probably haven’t had enough coffee this morning, so I’m a little confused by your post. But then I’m often confused….

    Be that as it may, the Church is against human embryonic cloning to create stem cells. I suspect they don’t give a damn about monkeys, who may be smarter than humans.

    As for god’s ultimate creation – I’m an atheist. I’m thinking chimpanzees, dolphins, and housecats are right up there as the best things going.

    Lotsa luck with the towel thing…


  3. ah.. my post was in sarcasm. it was to imply that the church tacitly accepts a link between chimpanzees and humans yet proclaims evolution as false.


  4. I kinda thought it might be something like that. But without my coffee….


  5. ““The risk lies in applying the technique to humans,” said the Rev. Thomas Berg, head of the Westchester Institute, a Roman Catholic think tank. “Such a pursuit, if successful, would be one of humanity’s darkest endeavors.”

    The church finds itself on the horns of a dilemma here. If this works, it’s another piece of evidence for the inter-relatedness of species (not that the evidence is NEEDED – but you know…)

    If they fight it, they look heartless and mean-spirited. Huh! Who would EVER have thought that about the church? (I assume no coffee needed?)


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